This week we're going to be sharing more of our super sentence and perfect paragraph writing! We're working on finishing off our stories, writing a resolution that gets our main character out of danger and an ending!
4EL: When it is your turn to blog, write your best sentence or paragraph on this post as a comment.
Visitors: please read our writing and leave comments about our work! We would love to hear what you think of our writing. You could give us tips to improve our writing or even have a go at rewriting our sentences!!!
Tom was fed up .he sat down suddenly a door opened Tom sat on a lever that opened the door. He was speechless because there was a lot of rescuers.
ReplyDeleteawsome secret lever
DeleteGreat start for a story, it really sucks us in and we want to know what happens next.
DeleteOne of your sentences needs more punctuation because it doesn't make sense. This is what we think you were trying to say:
Tom was fed up. He sat down, suddenly a door opened. Tom had sat on a lever that opened the door. He was speechless because there was a lot of rescuers.
From Miss A's Class
Nagambie, Australia
Suddenly Jo saw some bright , eye burning light she slowly looked up,up aut of the cave Clare noticed Jo had a long,long rope." Mum! Use your long rope to get us out of here!" Whispered Clare." Daughter are you sare," Jo replied "Yes I'm sare," Clare replied back "Okay ," Jo said. So Jo got her rope of her belt and untangled it. She thought threw the rope on the top of the cave. Thay climbed out together but....when thay got out thay noticed Max was in the cave. " I'm going to get max ," said Clare " no" Jo scaredly replied . " it's to dangerous I have to I love him," said Clare.
ReplyDeleteI hope max gets out!
DeleteClare was about to jump in the cave Max appeared then they quickly grabbed hold of the rope and Max jumped on the rope over all 20 dump yard dogs.JO and Clare pulled as hard as they could to get to safety on shore. Max was carrying a dinosaur bone but only a small one. Though they were so happy Max was safe. They were safe at home they smelt the sweet flowers and saw Lilly the horse she also ran to her, hugged her and stroked her. "I love the sweet smell of nurture and my home" explained Clare to her family.
DeleteWe are impressed with the detail in you paragraph and like that you have got your characters talking.
DeleteWe are going to have a go at fixing some of your punctuation so it makes sense:
Suddenly Jo saw some bright, burning light. She slowly looked up, up out of the cave. Clare noticed Jo had a long, long rope.
"Mum, use your long rope to get us out of here" whispered Clare.
"Daughter, are you sure?" Jo replied.
"Yes I'm sure", Clare replied back.
"Okay", Jo said. So Jo got her rope off her belt and untangled it. She threw the rope on the top of the cave. They climbed out together but...when they got out they noticed Max was in the cave.
"I'm going to get Max", said Clare.
"No", Jo scaredly replied, "it's too dangerous."
"I have to, I love him", said Clare.
Hope you like our fix ups.
From Miss A's Class
Nagambie, Australia
its really good writing I like the excitement when
Deleteyou find out max has been left in the cave but it needs more showing than telling 0=(= )-
Today we have been doing a full story in our purple books. I going to show you my favourite paragraph from my story:
ReplyDeleteA few minits later Daisy saw a boy. The boy shouted "Here have this feather, Tickle him then I'll grab your hand, By the way there's a tunnel over there. I'm Fred!". Daisy took the feather and tickled one of the branches. The Tree let go and laughed. Fred gave Daisy a piggyback. The tunnel door was closing. Fred tried to get through the tunnel door but only Daisy could get through! What could Fred do!
Filippa
The fishes man dragged them to his lair.
ReplyDelete"No halo us ! Tic you're hands are wet !" The man put ?Abby ant Tom in a cage after an hour Abby had a great plan .
Abby started to hum "hum hum " soon the man fell asleep . Tom reached for the
A giant factory filled with thousands of thick chocolate bars. I can hear people making milk chocolate and dark chocolate bars. Fredrick a tall super hero look a like with black and white hair. Fredrick is a friendly person and mostly Fredrick had the butterfly feeling in his tummy. A giant cracker with no eyes or nose, just a mouth. Fredrick and Cracker smiled at each other so Cracker and Fredrick were going to have a fight. Lee was a bad person with red hair, a angry face, angry man, a angry mind and never a good guy.
ReplyDeletescott
A very good start Scott, what kind of cracker a kind of cracker what you eat or any other kind of cracker.
DeleteAlex wanted to go home. Conner was still thinking. Alex looked at Conner and said "We have to go home! Our parents might of got the police to find us.". " Good point! We might be in big trouble though," Conner replied. They ran for the door and it led them to the sewer. Conner saw a ladder and ran for it and climbed it. Alex followed. They finally got to the surface. On the way home, Conner said " I love the fresh air,". " And the bird singing," laughed Alex. Conner saw his house so he hugged Alex and said " Goodbye" and then he went into his house. Alex went to her house. Her mother fell to her knees when she saw Alex. They hugged the her mother said "Don't ever leave me again". " Oh I will but ill tell you next time,". Then Alex winked. The end!!!!
ReplyDelete"Wow I did not know that you could climb " exclaimed lewis black beard lowerd his anchor and he pulled Lewis up the cave. Lewis could see the dead sharks and the worm Lewis saw the forbidding forest but no black beard.
ReplyDeleteWhen Abby landed on the lovely green grass as her mother rushed out .
ReplyDelete"You are grounded for a month .The washing needs. To be done " Abby's mum as she pointed at her.
No I won't . You do it .I can't I'm going To be a queen ." Abby said proudly . Then the king stepped out of the plane .
You are going to work for me now " the king said in a deep voice . Then all of them got on the plane whith Abby's mum being dragged in. They lived happily ever after except the mum !
My super sentence
ReplyDeleteMeerkats are tall and hairy mammals that stand on two legs. They have small ears but big eyes. Meerkats eat bugs such as beetals and grubs.
"Hey you yes you ! Get down or you will die!lava is about to enter the town!" Abby yelled to the king as she entered the. King's glamourous castle to rescue him from the boiling lava which was heading his way .
ReplyDelete"I'm not coming down ,you Kant make me." The king replied angrily . Abby knew what to do . She rushed up the stairs of the castle.